can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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