So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
