i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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