Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
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you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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