her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
