I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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