i just wanna soil my oats bro
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
