Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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