the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
