It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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