If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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