I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
as a side note pls kill me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize