I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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