I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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