you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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