Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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