Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he puts the penis in happiness.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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