We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What drink are we having for lunch?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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