happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
