My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
