my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
