Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
