I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
