I wannas sexs uuuuu
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
