I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
