ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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