At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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