he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
