Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
