i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
