I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
