Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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