I'm lost and stupid without you.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
