Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize