I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
