Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
