I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm really busy with my period
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