I just cut my nipple shaving
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
