why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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