apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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