Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
