Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
