Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
