i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
