Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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