You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
