I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
