Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
