i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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