Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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