After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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