hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
