road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
