fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
