kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
