Is it normal to miss your booty call?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
