it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
