Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
