My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
