I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
