You're my little dorito
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
