I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
