He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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