and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
