i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
