Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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