I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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