I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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